What’s the Difference Between AF-EMDR and Traditional EMDR?
If you’ve been exploring EMDR therapy, you might have come across something called AF-EMDR, or Attachment-Focused EMDR, developed by Laurel Parnell. Understandably, you might ask how AF-EMDR is different from “regular” EMDR. How do you know which approach might be right for you?
Let’s take a closer look.
Traditional EMDR
Originally developed by Francine Shapiro, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured therapy designed to help people process and resolve traumatic memories. Traditional EMDR is most often effective with what therapists call “single-incident trauma”: experiences like car accidents, assaults, or natural disasters.
In this model, therapy often starts with identifying a clear traumatic event. From there, the therapist guides the client into reprocessing that memory using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements, tapping, or sounds alternating from left to right).
AF-EMDR: A More Relational, Depth-Oriented Approach
But here’s where it gets complicated: most people seeking EMDR aren’t just coming in with one traumatic event. They come in with complex, layered histories including experiences like childhood neglect, relationship dynamics that required emotional contortion to survive, losses that were never fully processed, and belief systems shaped by fear, abandonment, or shame.
In other words:
The trauma isn’t just the car accident – it’s the lifelong feeling of “I don’t matter,” “I’m too much,” or “I can’t trust anyone.”
Attachment-Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR) was created to address this reality. It expands on traditional EMDR by weaving in relational, attachment-based, and resource-building elements.
The Core Beliefs of AF-EMDR
Trauma Is Often Rooted in Early Childhood
Many emotional wounds go back to how (or if) we were seen, soothed, and supported as children. These early attachment experiences lay the foundation for how we view ourselves and others.Trauma Is Often Relational
It’s not just what happened to us, but how it shaped the way we see ourselves and connect with others. AF-EMDR focuses on healing these emotional and relational wounds, not just reprocessing the event itself.The Focus Is on You, Not Just the Memory
Instead of diving straight into the most overwhelming memory, AF-EMDR therapists often start with resourcing: helping you build a sense of safety, support, and internal strength. Sometimes that means beginning with positive memories, supportive figures,or calming strategies. We go slow to go fast.
That means we might not start with “the worst memory.” Instead, we focus on how the trauma shaped your emotional world, what beliefs you carry because of it, and how to soften the impact those beliefs still have on your life.It’s Not Just About What Happened, But What Happened After
AF-EMDR shifts the spotlight from “What happened to you?” to “What happened inside of you as a result?”
That includes survival strategies you developed to cope, like people-pleasing, perfectionism, disconnection, or never feeling safe in relationships. These adaptations were brilliant, so they also deserve attention, compassion, and healing.
A Collaborative, Flexible Approach
As an AF-EMDR therapist, I’ll meet you where you are.
We don’t rush. We don’t follow a rigid protocol. While I’ll offer thoughts and reflections, you have agency in choosing where we begin. And if you’re unsure, that’s okay too. We’ll explore together.
Healing is not a straight line. It’s a partnership, and AF-EMDR makes space for your history, at your pace, to meet your needs.
You’re not alone in this.
Is AF-EMDR Right For You?
Both traditional EMDR and Attachment-Focused EMDR are powerful, evidence-informed approaches. The difference lies in what you’re carrying and how you’d like to approach your healing.
If you’re curious about whether AF-EMDR might be a fit for your healing process, I’d be happy to talk it through with you. I offer free consultations where we can explore your goals and see what feels like the best path forward.
Core Ideas
Traditional EMDR works well for single-event traumas.
AF-EMDR expands the model to address complex, relational, and developmental trauma.
AF-EMDR emphasizes safety, resourcing, and a collaborative pace that honors your experience.
